Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
