I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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