We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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