I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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