You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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