Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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