She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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