My nipple is on Facebook.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
