It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
