can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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