driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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