Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
