I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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