I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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