I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
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