I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
