You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are all done wearing pants today
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