u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
