dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
