oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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