I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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