your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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