so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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