There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
