his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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