I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you never un-have a 4some
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
