You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
