I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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