he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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