I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
