Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
