I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
