I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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