Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
