Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need to calm my uterus...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
