I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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