I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
