I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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