Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
