You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
