It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
