just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
