Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
