i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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