I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
