I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
