If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
