why didn't you poke me back
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
