I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
