at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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