went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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