So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
