I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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