There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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