She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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