Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
