Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
