Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
