Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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