You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
