Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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