It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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