so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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