Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
