Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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