She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The Olympian is in my bed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
