She is in my trunk
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
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Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.