Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?