they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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