Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
