Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄