i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
