At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
