Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
