sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to get me chipped asap
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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