ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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